Sam has become obsessed with bellys (bellies?). His, mine, Tubbs's (Tubbs'?)
(Man this post is testing my High School English skills)
A belly on TV is HUGE hit. And if you want to see the baby belly? All you have to do is ask. 
He is very proud of it. Can you tell?
The buzz surrounding "The Business of Being Born" had been building around the mama circles, so when the University offered a showing and a panel discussion, some fellow mamas and I left the babes with Daddy and headed out.
First, I want to say that I think the movie was very well done. It opened my eyes and gave me some insight into the reasons why women make some of the choices they do. I particularly enjoyed the portions that followed a Certified Nurse Midwife through Manhattan. As the filmmakers interview her clients, discuss their views and decisions, and eventually film the births themselves, it really solidifies home birth as a valid choice. Home birth is a topic that can cause visceral reactions in some people. Most often, those are the people who know next to nothing about it. I think the film could be very useful in educating those groups who are obsessed with the idea of potential tragedy and “unnecessary risk” in association with the term “home birth.”This film does a wonderful job showing why people choose a home birth, what preparations are made and how any complications are addressed.
Being that the vast majority of the movie is filmed in New York City it was kinda hard, as a Vermonter, trying to relate to some of views and culture around birth in New York City. There is some talk of the “Too Posh to Push” phenomenon, which has lead to the increase in elective C-Sections…something we don’t hear much about around here. On the contrary, the area in which I live in is very pro-natural childbirth, pro-breastfeeding (pro-extended breastfeeding for that matter), lots of people co-sleep, cloth diaper, ect. So in our case , the movie was kinda preaching to the choir.
As a result, the issues I had with the movie are primarily the same issues I often have with the birth culture in Vermont, which was evident in the discussion that took place after the film. The panel was comprised of a couple of midwives (including Burlington’s only homebirth midwife), Lactation Consultant from LaLeche, a birth educator and doula, an OB GYN (from the practice that delivered Sam) and someone else I must be forgetting? The discussion that took place was interesting, though there was little diversity in the opinions or reactions to the film. There was a lot of discussion about Vermont culture. The panel often brought up how lucky we are to birth in a culture like Vermont. Though I wholeheartedly agree, there is also the flip side. When women have trouble following the natural path, due to personal choice, medical intervention or complications, or cannot follow post natal recommendations (in particular, breastfeeding), there is judgement. Women often have to justify their actions, or are at least are made to feel as though they have to. There were a few women who expressed this concern, (one of which was one of my Mama friends) and mentioned that this movie may serve to reinforce those feelings of inadequacy or a “less-than-perfect” birth experience. When one way of birthing is held up as an ideal, and you fall short of that, whether by choice or circumstance, it’s difficult not to have a sense of failure. Not that home birth shouldn’t be portrayed as the wonderful experience it is. I must admit, after watching the beautiful, calm (for the most part, these are not superwomen after all), intimate, and private births I wish I was a candidate for a home birth. But since my last birth resulted in an unplanned C-section, it’s best I birth my next one in a hospital.
And I’m ok with that. And I’ve always been Ok with Sam’s birth. Sure, not what I had envisioned, but perfect nonetheless. I had been someone who wanted to try for no drugs. I had the big tub, ready to labor and hopefully give birth in water. Pretty much the opposite happened. I was lucky that I didn’t mourn my ideal birth, like some people do. I was able to own my birth experience and embrace it. While watching this movie I, for the first time, felt bad about Sam’s birth. ‘Felt bad’ isnt’ really a good way to describe the feeling. Sad, maybe? Then angry? Defensive? Let me explain….
The issues that came up for me with the movie revolved around a few things. Minorly, I just felt bad for doctors. They kinda grouped all Obs together. Depicting them all as having the same mindset of trying to keep something bad from happening, as opposed to letting something beautiful take place. And also obsessed with the bottom line. Like people who want to just cut you open, get the baby out so they can hurry up and fill the bed with another laboring mom. Though I have no doubt there aspects of that mindset, especially in metropolitan areas, I wish they had shown some Mds who do things differently. Because I know they exist.
Now, the MAJOR issue I had with the movie was the emphasis they put on attachment following birth. In one portion of the movie they talk about the love cocktail of hormones the mother and baby share after birth. They talk about how this promotes attachment and that C-section mothers are missing out on this. That alone, wasn’t enough to make me feel too bad, after all I knew I missed out on some Oxytocin, but then it went on to say….that when Chimpanzees give birth via C-section they reject the baby and will not nurture or take care of it.
Excuse me? What are you implying? How the hell is that relevant?
They really should be careful. In their effort to empower women to make an informed choice, they are devaluing the experiences of those who, whether by choice or not, have done differently. I believe every woman has the right to give birth how she sees fit, in a way she feels safe, and has the right to feel good about it. It is the moment we meet our children for the first time. The pure love and joy should never be tainted by guilt, shame or regret. In order to insure that, education and knowledge is vital, and I think this movie does a good job at providing important information, shedding light on many misconceptions about midwives and homebirth, and challenging the existing medical establishment. But as a consequence, though most likely unintended, they are diminishing the c-section mothers experience and setting up future mothers for disappointment and feelings of failure. And in particular, to question the capability of a woman to be a good mother, simply due to the manner in which she gives birth. Which I found personally offensive.
In the end, I found The Business of Being Born empowering and I would recommend it to anyone thinking of having a baby. Just take it with a grain of salt. I think they did a really good job shedding light on the expertise of midwives in contrast to Obs. That Certified Nurse Midwives are specialized in the female process of giving birth, while Obs are surgeons. I think many people in this country view midwives as someone who took a correspondence course, or is one step up from a massage therapist. In some states it is even illegal to have a midwife deliver your baby. The movie illuminates midwives as the skillful and knowledgeable professionals they truly are, helping to shatter many myths and misconceptions. Ricky and the other filmmakers hearts are in the right place, they just need to look outside themselves a little. And it’s important to know that more often than not, your birth does not go how you imagined.
And it's still perfect.
So, I bought A New Earth. It seems that I don't mind being told what to do by Oprah to the degree as previously stated. I've figure the key is to read the book before there are 3 follow up shows on how it changed the life of throngs of Oprah viewers. Then the book won't be ruined for me by preconceptions and expectations. Or, I suppose I could stop watching Oprah...hmm.
So I'll let you know what I think. If I ever finish it. I'm on page 17, and I've had it for a week. But J left this morning for Montana, so I can read before going to bed. Normally, he moans and whines if I want to do this, because the light bothers him. Maybe I can even finish it before he gets back! And not only will I have finished a non-parenting/pregancy book, I'll be "awakened to my life's purpose"... he'll be so pleased.
I wanted to write about a documentary I just saw, but I'm having trouble collecting my thoughts on it. There was a special screening of "The Business of Being Born" at UVM. There are many, many things to say about it, but it's all swirling around in my head. I will say now, that it was good. I enjoyed it. There is a bias, but that bias does not change the validity of the facts and realities the movie depicts. But some of it offended me. Not deeply, but irked me, you know? I will think on it more and see what I come up with. But if you have a chance, and are interested in such things, definitely see it.
As I sit here, Sam is in his room bouncing and grunting. I'm thinking the afternoon nap is becoming a thing of the past. But he's soooooo grumpy! He's been rolling around in his crib for 15 minutes. He's not crying, but he's clearly not napping. And he seems a little annoyed. I'm not ready for one nap a day. But it's not about me, is it?
When the debates started and the Democratic primary race began, I was a little giddy with excitement. I was excited to hear all the new ideas, the plans, the solutions. Looked forward to learning more about these people hoping to take the Presidency. The first debate I watched (on ABC I think?) was ok. It didn't really get to the heart of many issues, but gave me a small sense of the canidates. Basically I ended up understanding the personal taglines for everyone. Hillary was experienced and can start on "Day One", Barak knows America is ready for "change" (which comes with "hope"), and for John Edwards "it's personal." But basically, they all come down on the same side of most issues. It's in the nuances I hoped to really make my decision, but they didn't get into nuances.
I don't blame this as much on the candidates as the people asking the questions. The second debate (on CNN i think) I watched was so much worse. It was after the crying incident with Hillary. And after the MLK/Johnson comment as well. It was all they wanted to talk about. It was like watching TMZ, but instead of Hollywood, it was Washington. I couldn't watch, it was so silly and pointless. What about health care? What about the grip corporations have on our elected representatives? What about the state of public education?
That's when I really stopped paying attention. There were more debates, but I sat on my jaded butt and watched Project Runway instead. What little political updates I managed to see on TV usually revolved around a snide remark (or rather perceived snide remark) made by one about the other, and their reaction, and blah, blah, blah. The media exaggerates every little possible drama to make it gossip and if they're lucky, scandal. Despite my disgust, I had picked my horse, John Edwards. My frustration only grew as his message continually got lost in all the media induced bickering and sensationalism.
Well, John Edwards just "suspended" his campaign and I'm totally bummed. Not sure what "suspended" means...I guess in case some crazy shit happens with Hillary or Obama. Since he still has delegates going to the convention, technically, he could get a nomination?
So now, I guess I'm an Obama fan. But I'll take Hillary over any of the Republicans. I never thought the GOP would even have a chance. But on the horizon I think I see a McCain/Guilianni ticket...gulp. It's really the onlycombo that might get back some of those jaded Republicans for them. And I thought they couldn't win 4 years ago.
Sam and I had a good day yesterday. And it's made me realize that what we really need to do is just get out of the house more. When we hang out here all day, day after day, I get bored. And he gets board. And neither one of us appreciates the things that we do to combat our boredom. For me, that would be reading or tinkering around on the internet, neither which Sam has more than a 30 second tolerance for. And for Sam, playing lets tip over the coffee table over and over and over and over.
Oh, we do plenty of more interactive things. I read to him, we build with blocks, we even tried coloring (FYI, he is not yet ready for that. Unless they have revised the food pyramid to include Crayons). But sitting in the family room putting on the "I'm so excited" face and voice for two or three hours straight, is completely mentally draining. "That's not MY Dinosaur!" I say with saccharine laced enthusiasm. The same demeanor I fine so annoying about children's TV...at the least the shows that include actual adults. It's fake, or at least becomes fake after the first hour or so. I am not that person. At least not indefinitely. I can be that person genuinely for a while, but really, it makes me lose my marbles (and my good humor) eventually.
So I am now resolved to vacate the abode at least once a day.
Wait, I amend that to only the days that the temperature rises above 20 degrees. I'll play tip over the coffee table while declaring that is not my robot, or puppy or whatever gladly over the prospect of the bundling ritual required to go out with an infant in that sort of weather.
So, it's 22 degrees. I guess that means I better get dressed. When Sam wakes up, we're outta here!
So J left this morning for almost a week. It's going to be a rough one. Sure, he's left before, and we've been just fine, but Sam has become a bit of a challenge lately. He is determined to mess with anything I try and keep him from. And he thinks "No" is hilarious. And no matter how many times I physically remove him from whatever it is that I don't want him smashing or dragging or shaking, he goes right back. I try to be stern, you know, with my serious face. Doesn't work. The only thing that works is sitting directly in front of whatever it is, to block his way. Then he crumples into a red faced crying mess. Once we cuddle, or nurse and he's better, he goes right back at it.
Lord help me.
So I turn to Dr. Sears. Basically, what they say is "practice attachment parenting and kid will want to please you." Well, I think what I've been doing can be considered a form of attachment parenting (cosleeping ended pretty early, due to mama constantly being jabbed in the ribs), and my kid seems to think displeasing me is a game. Fun even. I know he's young, so I'm not worried that he's going to be a some delinquent or anything, I am just worried about my sanity.
I am frazzled. And impatient, and I dare say, ANNOYED.
Ok, bad mama, get a grip. See this is why I need this blog. If I posted this on the family blog, Grandma would be flying here tomorrow and I would be bombarded with stories about having 2 toddlers and a husband who was checked out and blah, blah, blah. And everything Sam does is cute and couldn't possibly be annoying and he's precious and special and. OK I already feel guilty and I just imagined my mother lecturing me.
Sam, I love you bud. LOVE YOU. Now, stop dragging furniture across the room. Please. PLEASE. Love you.
I come to you not vomiting. Not even queasy. This is a change. No, I'm not pregnant (though i thought I might be.)
It all began Wednesday afternoon when I started feeling a little icky. No fever or anything, just some nausea. I quickly blamed it on the plate of nachos I had for lunch (will I never learn!?). Though they were of the "Flour Tortilla" variety, those things still have corn meal in them, so other corn wary people beware! I can eat them sometimes, but they still cause me some trouble now and then.
ANYWAY, as the day wore on, I felt worse and worse. After putting Sam to bed I laid on the couch, moaning, and seriously wondering if this might be some early onset morning sickness. I mean, if I was pregnant, I was like 2 weeks pregnant. Even though I know there was no measurable pregnancy hormone swimming around in my pee, I took a pregnancy test. Negative. But since I knew it wouldn't work anyway, I still thought I was pregnant. I know.
Well, to make a long story short, Sam threw up later that night, and so did I...a lot. So we were pretty confident we were both playing host to the same little nasty stomach bug that has been ripping through the daycare scene. Our best guess is that the little girl I watch on Tuesday's brought it with her. And the sippy cup no knows master so...Well, J was a dream and took pukey baby while mama barfed. He even stayed home the next day to watch the fully recovered Sam while mama still blanched at the thought of food.
And as any good deed goes unpunished, J quickly began puking himself.
J is finally back to normal. The worst of it only lasted 24 hours, but the queasiness lingered. It was quite the nasty bug.
And in silver lining news, I was sure this would result in losing those last 2 pesky pounds I gained over the holidays. You know, since i didn't ingest anything for 2 days? You would think that right? Well, you're wrong. Argh.
Thanks for the comments guys. I think I'll keep this blog around, though I must admit I have neglected it severely. I can't get over the feeling of "if you're going to do something, do it right." Not sure what that translates to in the blog world, I guess it's just a weird form of performance anxiety. I worry too much about the quality of my posts and hesitant to just blah, blah, blah, like I am now. Anyway, I'm here to stay, for now. Well, not even a couple minutes into a post and Sam is calling for me from his nap. That was a short one. I'm afraid morning naps may be weaning a bit. Then I REALLY won't post often.
Some artsy picks from Monday...
It's almost 60 degrees outside. A week ago it was 3...3 degrees. It so weird. I feel like it's April. I'm waiting for the tulips to pop up. It's hard to believe that something like being able to see our grass again can seem surreal. Unfortunately, the grass is not the only thing that has been revealed by the sudden melt. The snow also released our Halloween pumpkins from frozen animation. Big orange oozy piles of mush. Yuck.
I've been thinking of ending this blog. Or, more accurately, merging it with my "other" blog. I usually cross post anyway. This was my to be my honest blog, my venting blog. Uncensored. Well, who has time to form complete and logical thoughts nowadays? This blog has devolved into what my other blog basically is...Sam Report. Sure I have other things on my mind. I even think about posting some stuff. But by the time I get Sam to sleep, sit down and try to write...well, my brain is not as efficient as it used to be.
So I'm thinking on it. Let me know if you have an opinion either way...you 3 loyal readers.
Snow is clogging up the driveway, dirty diapers are clogging up the trash and Guitar Hero is clogging up my eardrums. The only thing that isn't backed up is Sam. On the contrary...
We arrived back from our Early Christmas with J's folks with a not so happy little man. Not only did he get a nose full of snot for xmas, but something is going on with his more sensitive orifice. I'm pretty sure it's teething drool related, but if it doesn't solidify soon, we'll have to call the doc on Monday. Poor kid. He's obviously uncomfortable with his mouth, and you add a pretty bad diaper rash as a result of CONSTANT pooping, well, you get the picture. And just as we were contemplating the return to cloth diapers! Um, I don't think I have a supply to handle this situation. Maybe once these molars arrive we can think on it again.
Ok, enough talk of poop! The recent discomfort in now way spoiled our trip to Connecticut. We all had a wonderful visit with Pepere, Memere, J's sis Amy and her son Henry. It was crazy to see our nephew all grown up and big. Sam was of course fascinated by his cousin. And Henry was so patient and gentle with him. I hope they get a chance to hang out more often in the future. We'll just have to plan a trip down to Asheville... Blue Ridge Mountains? Temperate climate? BBQ Ribs? Bluegrass music? Um, can we leave tomorrow?
We are gathering things for our departure to Florida this Thursday. We'll be spending Christmas down there at my folks new place. It should be a nice break from these chilly temperatures. Not sure if I'll get to update from down there.
In the meantime, here are some nice pics from the one-year Birthday/xmas celebrations...
Sam and his Pepere opening a birthday present
which ended up being this beautiful wooden train.
Sam was delighted. Perfect for transporting precious cargo.
It so nice whenever we get to hang with Amy. Henry and I both wish she would be our best friend...(seriously, Henry asked his mother to be his best friend. Sweetest.Thing.Ever)
We scored some Auntie and Uncle brownie points with Henry by getting him "Elefun." Not that he probably remembers who it was from. Since the main point of the game involves an elephant shooting small chokables 4 feet into the air, he had to wait for Sam to sleep before the Elefun could be had.
But Henry was cool and didn't hold it against him...Waddup cuz?
Some people may expect to see Sam covered in cake, as tradition dictates. However, I thought better of it. It's just a photo op really...kinda like Santa Claus. He won't miss it. So no cake. But bring on the spaghetti!
Other highlights? Well, check out Sam in his new Hokie jersey. 
And Memere helping him open a new book...
Thanks Memere...
Hope everyone has a wonderful Holiday.
Peace.
When did you go from that....to this...
Crazy. What a great year it's been watching you go from an adorable blob to an adorable madman on the loose! Looking forward to the coming year and getting to know you even better. How lucky we are.
Man, I guess I was in a bad mood yesterday. It just irks me that they talk and talk about a book I was kinda looking forward to reading. Now I know what the whole story is, which makes reading the book that less interesting. And I see all these women who are like, "it changed my life", and it comes across as so...I don't know, like they are some sort of desperate and impressionable women? I'm sure that's not true, but I would feel like just another stay-at-home Oprah drone if I was seen reading this book on the plane in a few weeks.
Oh god, that is just horrible. I shouldn't be so vain. Really, who cares. Bleh.
I've noticed I've had a real hard time forming my thoughts. I used to be better and getting across my point of view, but lately, it isn't so easy. I can only imagine it's from lack of sleep. And the fact that any writing I do is in a very short window while Sam is asleep and I feel ok about neglecting housework, doesn't lend itself to deep introspection and self analysis.
ah, and he's awake. Later.
here's a Ding Dong fix....
I was planning on reading this book, on the recommendation of many people I respect. However, after todays Oprah Eat Pray Love-athon, a "follow up" on the already overly enthusiastic first episode about Eating Praying and Loving, I am not.
Just because. Because I don't like being told what to do. And Oprah is always telling me what to do. And now all these people are like, "I read it BEFORE she was on Oprah." Wow. That makes you...someone with more free time than I do.
And, by the way, I like things less once they become popular. Yes, I said it. I am a snob like that. I try not to be, but I can't help it. I suspect you are too, but won't admit it.
Ok, maybe not when it comes to Justin Timberlake. But it's so not cool to like JT, it's actually cool.
Sunday we had a group birthday party for all the babes we hang out with. Everyone was born the same week of December, except little Sophie who was born in January. What a cute gang.
Babies got to attack hostess Tess's stash of toys while moms sipped wine and dads talked video games. It was fun, though I always have trouble relaxing with Sam in a new environment. He's pretty grabby. He likes pushing furniture and pulling down things from above. I was a little scattered and left my own items in babes reach while I rushed to keep Sam from doing something like ripping down the curtains. After disaster is averted, I would forget about my camera, or glass of wine I left on the table. At home, as long as Sam is watched I can have something out. But here, there were 5 little grabbers eyeing that glass of wine. Luckily, there were enough mama eyes out so no major messes or injuries.
Kudos to Kelly who hosted the affair. Quite the undertaking on the day before a snowstorm...not to mention she was getting ready to fly out of town that evening! You can always tell when I have a good time, there is usually a sad deficiancy of photos. I wish I had taken more...but here are a few.
why is it that, when I decide to nap, Sam only sleeps for 20 minutes. But when I have boring crap to do, like move the carseat back to my car, steam carrots, and laundry...he sleeps for an hour and a half?! ***grumble, grumble....yawn***
Well, at least I have some time to sit down and think about Christmas presents. As usual, I'm at a lost for most of the people on my list. I'm in a bit of a crunch because we are headed down to J's folks next weekend to celebrate early. Luckily, J usually takes the reigns and buys for his family. J's sis, Amy, has taken a pledge to only give Handmade presents and requests that others do the same for her. Super cool idea, but then there is so much "taste" involved...what if what I think is cool, she thinks is hideous. Well, I guess that's the gamble you take. I think I may do the same next year! It sure makes shopping more fun. Etsy hasn't seen so much of me since I was looking for felted baby blocks. Which there weren't any...so hey! don't steal my idea. I'm going to sew them out of old sweaters. Um,well, maybe after I finish screen printing my tshirt ideas and tweaking my children's book plots.
So, basically, never.
I've gotten some nice comments on the pictures I take of Sam. While I appreciate the compliments, I must admit that it's not too hard to end up with a few nice ones when you take as many pictures as I do. Whenever he's being especially cute or the light is nice, I whip out the camera and click away. The continuous photo shoot taking place in my family room is not only out of motherly adoration, but neccessity. If it weren't for volume, I wonder if I would ever get a clear photo...especially at the age he is now. Getting a focused picture of this kid is no easy task and seems to be getting harder. He does not enjoy being still. The vast majority of our pictures look something like this.
Actually, if you look closely at the "keepers" you'll see there is always a reason Sam is still, or at least not jetting across the room like usual.
Stuck behind something...
Stuck in something...
Only Sam is more stationary on a swing...
And my favorite, pausing to scream.
It's been a while (how many posts do I start with some version of that statement?) I've been busy prepping for the onslaught of Winter. Planting the garlic, unpacking the sweaters, raking leaves ect. I'm behind on all these tasks because of my visit down to DC. But, man, it was worth it. Not only did Sam get to hang out with his biggest fan, but I got to see my ladies (and the new little lady too!). Something that doesn't happen often enough...and no one was pregnant! So the wine was flowin and we rocked it old school...in between diaper changes.
Miss you guys...
Things have been a little crazy in these parts. Let's see if I can pry my eyes open and turn my brain on long enough to get a decent post out before Sam wakes up from nap #2. I've probably started 5 blog posts in the last week or so, only to have it cut short by a darling 10 month old. Or, more likely, I've been too busy trying to keep the house from turning into a disaster...unsuccessfully, i might add. Then there is the furniture stripping project I started. Oh, and loading compost into the new vegetable beds. All while I'm trying to get ready to fly down to DC on Saturday...whew!
Now, I find myself waiting for Jet Blue to get their shit together.
I've called 3 times, and each time I get a recording telling me to "call back at a later time" because THEY are too busy. Whatever. And even worse? They end with "this call ends now." What? You mean I can't even sit on hold for an hour if I choose to? Come on.
Why am I calling Jet Blue? Well, J and I had this trip planned to go to DC and then down to Blacksburg for the Florida State game next weekend. Unfortunately, our baby sitter broke her leg. (Hi Mom! oh, that's right, she doesn't read this). Anyway, so now Sam and I are going down solo and I'm trying to cancel J's reservation and move mine so he doesn't have to be away from his son for 10 days. AND, quite honestly, so I don't have to wait on my mom hand and foot for 10 days.
Oh, it's all such a bummer. It was all planned out. It was going to be my first night away from the Ding Dong...perhaps a full nights sleep? And drinking and tailgating and Hokie-ness....and...boo.
And to those of you who say..."Just bring Sam with you." Let me tell you, for those of you not familar with Hokie Football, Lane Stadium is no place for a 11 month old. And it's not just the drunk frat boys and cannons. I think it's safe to say that if Sam didn't already shit in his pants, this would do the trick...
Enter Sandman...always brings a tear to my eye. sniff.
Drawing on a 10 month olds face? Um, not so easy. And I was afraid it might be hard to get him to carry his dumbell, but he ended up loving it.
He loved it so much, he tried to eat it.
So mama took it away. This did not go over very well. 
Even strong men have feelings.
Hope everyone had a Happy Halloween!
