Amusment Park Emotions Part 1: Fear (coupled with some amusement)

We are sitting in the parking lot. Stuck in the gridlock exodus of Six Flags New England. No one is moving. Not. An. Inch. Two vehicles in front of me there are cars merging, but there is no movement so they are all just coming from all directions, headlight to fender, ready for action once we get crawling again. Some lady wants to smoke a cigarette, but, as I find out later, her kids are in the car, and she has a rule of not smoking in the car with her kids. A noble gesture for sure. However, her subsequent behavior does not raise such admiration.

She gets out of her car, leans against her hood and lights up. Though cars are at a standstill, and have been for 10 minutes, this annoys the crap out of the people around her. They want her in the car with her foot on the pedal in case there is the tiniest millimeter of progress. Blondie in front of me (who, by the way, went to extremes to not let me cut in front of her) with her too-short sweater and cute 19 year old butt starts yelling out of her window, "Move your fucking ass, bitch!"

People still walking to their cars start craning their necks to see what’s going on. Another car full of girls chimes in. One particularly large black girl gets out of her car and starts waving her arms screaming "Get your ass out of the road!" Well, any inclination this woman had to put out her cigarette and get back in her car went completely out the window. She starts screaming back, telling people to fuck off…yes, the debate and argument skills on both sides are commendable. Then Blondie gets out of her car and threatens to "beat her ass." The people strolling through the lot start to stop...a crowd is forming. "Chick Fight!" is hollered by some dude and I become a little concerned.

The encouragement from the passers-by seems to spur on the ladies. There are many wild rapper-like gestures accompanied by head rolling (mostly by Blondie) and yelling. I worry that I am about to witness something that I may have to go to court for. I must admit I had a forboding sense that fire arms may appear. Then the smoking lady yells something and suddenly eveyone checks themselves.

Blondie turns and heads back to her car muttering "stupid ass bitch."

A guy in a car to left asks "What’s going on?"

"I want to fucking kick her ass, that’s what going on. But her kids are in the car." Ass beating averted.

Everyone calms down and the crowd once again heads to their cars, dissappointed. As we inch out of the parking lot and onto the highway I think to myself there’s another good reason to have kids. So surly mobs of crazy bitches won’t beat my ass.