Wednesday, February 22, 2006

I am the next American Idol...of my couch.

I have Freedom 90 by George Michael stuck in my head.

Last night J showed me a new feature on our cable service. On Demand Karaoke.

Unfortunately, the selections are sparse and somewhat lame. After renditions of Broken Wings and Smooth Criminal, I forced him to play Freedom 90, only to realize that I knew the chorus and not much else. J didn't know the song at all, so he didn't sing. Which is a problem, since I am tone deaf, and he, with the voice of an angel, serves as a much-needed guide through melodic territory. So I embarked solo, trying to hear what my ear will not, and recreate the sound, so clear in my brain, with my vocal chords. It was painful. Probably more for J than for me. Coupled with the fact I didn't really know the song, my squawks and tonal misfires must have been torture. I wonder if he is rethinking the plan to mix his musically superior DNA with my tragically unharmonious genes.

Thinking about that, I have become aware that on the list of desirable traits, there is a sad emptiness on my side of the column.

Things I hope a kid gets from J:
Musical ability
That beautiful smile
Pretty blue eyes
Desire to understand and install electronic components

Things I hope a kid gets from me:
Enjoyment of reading and writing
Ability to learn from television
Um, love of crab legs? (Just so someone will eat them with me. J calls them cockroaches of the ocean. Ruins the mood.)

Then there are the things that I hope we avoid passing along.

Things I hope a kid does not get from J:
Need for gadgets and dohickys
Belief in bizarre superstitions
Love of dangerous vehicles ("Putting a baby seat in a Wrangler is totally safe!")
Picky eating habits
Difficulty remembering plans already discussed and solidified

Things I hope a kids does not get from me:
Laziness
Frizzy hair
Hairy arms
Short legs
Absurdly small but wide feet

God, I sound like a troll.

4 comments:

amy. said...

LOL.

Kyle thinks a baby in a Wrangler sounds like a fabulous idea as well. Luckily, we won't be in a position to buy a new car until Henry is...oh...35.

Freedom 90 is one of my all time favorite songs. No, I'm not kidding. George Micheal is one of my guilty pleasures. I actually just put that song on a mixed CD for someone. Should I go to your house and drink beer, we'll have to have a little duet, you and I.

nacho said...

I have a running list of awesome songs that I've thought one of Js bands should cover. First was Smooth Criminal, but then those Ant guys did it. Then My Prerogative, but Britney got it. Freedom 90 and All Night Long (Lionel Richhie)have yet to be done (i think).

I also am a closet fan of George. Last night I wretched as I watched one of the American Idol dudes do Father Figure, god he was horrible...that song was the soundtrack junior high boy crazyness. I soooo wanted a black bob with strait bangs like the chick in the video, but the frizzyness won't allow it.

Katy said...

May I suggest the theme song from Chicago? or Sweet Home Alabama? Both numbers are nightly favorites at my house, where the On Demand Karaoke rules the entertainment schedule. Someday soon, your neighbors will knock on your door and beg to join in!

P-Diddy in Sin City said...

Unfortunately, your kid WILL inherit your mutual friends as honorary Auntie's and Unkie's that will buy him or her absurd gifts and baby-sized Hokie merchandise.