Tuesday, April 17, 2007

It's hard to explain, but this feels very personal to me. Blacksburg was my home for 8 years. Virginia Tech is my school. To have the entire nation looking in, tranfixed by the violence feels...I don't know, like people are gawking or something. I am surprised how emotional it is making me. I expect to be sad, but I am finding myself brought to tears...then quick to anger. That stupid CNN guy is driving my nuts. They just talk and talk and repeat themselves over and over. Making stupid observations and idiotic theories. I suppose I should turn off the TV and look to my friends for comfort. Perhaps if I was in Virginia I could. But here in Vermont I feel alone. I thank god I have J, so we can talk about it on the same level.

Last night as I walked to get a bottle of wine, I looked at other people and I felt different. Not in some major way, but I found myself thinking "they don't realize." Then I felt very selfish and embarassed at my own self importantance. But I couldn't help thinking that they may feel horror and disbelief at the events, but not like me. I'm a Hokie. They don't know.

Though the sorrow and grief of those personally effected is unimaginable, I find comfort knowing they are surrounded by the Virginia Tech family. I find myself thinking of other Hokies out there, far from home who are watching this and not having anyone around who can understand.

So if anyone who reads this knows a Hokie....

4 comments:

milesofjade said...

I'm with you, Nacho. My heart is broken, even out here. I can't even begin to process.

amy. said...

I'm thinking about you guys. I can't imagine seeing the place you spent some of the best years of your life being splayed open like that. Hug each other tight.

Lawn Mower Queen said...

I feel the same way, too. We just moved back to Virginia, so it's all anyone can talk about here. It's all I want to talk about. How could someone do this to "my" school?

Have you read Hoda Kotb's article? It's really good.

(Erin, formerly at Random Notions)

rockergirrl said...

I just wanted to say that even though I am not from there and have no personal connections - as a mother I horrified at what happened. I feel for every parent, family, friend and alumn of that school. You are in my thoughts. Stay strong. I know I am grabbing my children tighter each day.