Thursday, April 19, 2007

Getting some of it out....

Hopefully there won't be many more posts about this. But being so far from friends, it's an outlet...

It seems the national media is beginning to widen it's tunnel vision on Blacksburg. Thank god. Though I'm happy I have been able to see what is going on, I can't help but notice that in every shot, every image, there seems to be a camera man, photographer, or satellite truck in the background. Instead of looking at the image, I find myself putting myself in the picture and imagining the perspective of those captured....having cameras stuck in your face while you cry. I can't even imagine what it must feel like there to have so many outsiders swooping in, looking for a sad story to tell, to satisfy the bloodlust of a hungry nation. And now with the package he sent to NBC. I wanted to see it, I must admit, and I watched transfixed at the angry ramblings of a mad man. But I think it would have been better from them to keep it under wraps for a while. Just because people will want to see it, doesn't mean you have to show it. And NBC keeps patting themselves on the back saying how they are only showing part of it out of respect for the families...yeah, I'm sure they appreciate that.

I suppose I'm slowly making my way through the stages of grief. It's seems anger is hanging out for a while...not sure where that lays in the order...hopefully not too far from exceptance. I know yesterday I was pretty entrenched in the "this is a nightmare, I'm going to wake up and it won't have happened" stage. Not sure if that one has a name or not. Strangely my anger has not been directed at the shooter as much as the media. Blaming the Messanger I suppose.

I hung our VT flag in the window. I feel like I need some tangible expression, some sort of public mourning...a purging. God I wish we had an alumni association up here. Maybe we will start one. I know there are a few of us around. I put a "any Hokies out there" posting on Craigslist, but haven't gotten any responses.

When I first moved here, whenever I wore Tech stuff I had to explain to people that it had nothing to do with Vermont. Actually, on the way back from Florida last week, the flight attendant commented on Sam's hat saying, "oh, what a cute little Vermont hat." I told her it was actually a Virginia Tech hat. I wonder if she remembers that now.

J spoke with P, one of our friends in Blacksburg. He actually heard the shots. He was in a building nearby (Randolph, I think). Crazy.

Tomorrow has been declared Hokie Hope day...people are supposed to wear Maroon and Orange. I think that will be nice. It's kinda weird that tomorrow is also the anniversary of Columbine. I wish it wasn't. But I will put on the colors. Perhaps walk downtown and see if I can find some other Hokies. That would be nice.

We have some friends coming in from out of town. I'm looking forward to it. Though the house is a disaster...cleaning has seemed a monumental task. They are non-Hokies, so hopefully it will be a nice distraction. It will be good to get away from the TV and think about other things for a while.

4 comments:

amy. said...

I'll be wearing my maroon and orange tomorrow and thinking of you guys! Tell J I'll call this weekend.

danielle said...

not only are we non-hokies but we are also slobs and will feel more at home if you DON'T clean your house! we enjoy reading these heartfelt and insightful blogs but we can't wait to hug you in person!

rockergirrl said...

thank you for sharing your feelings with us. I am glad you will have some friends visiting this weekend. I just find myself being terrified again. After the Amish shooting last year and then when it hit in our back yard here in Essex immediately after. the thought of sending my child off to school this fall is so scary.

KL said...

Thanks ladies!