Friday, November 11, 2005

Goo Be Gone!

I desperately need to do laundry. As such, I am scraping the bottom of the apparel barrel. As I sit, my too-short sweater rides up in the back and my pants zipper creeps down in the front. No matter which way I turn you can glimpse my underwear! Why I keep these pants in my possession I have no idea. I put them on, forgetting their inability to stay zipped, and then when I get out of my car in the morning I feel the tell-tale looseness in front. So today, every time I stand up I have to do a quick yank . Fun.

Yesterday I wore a pair of brown slacks I never wear. As I put them on and buttoned them, I noticed they felt a little tight. “Oh, THAT’S why I never where these” I say to myself, trying my best to believe that they have ALWAYS been that tight, and therefore explaining their low rotation. Oh no, the fact that when I sit the cuffs ride so high you can see my unshaven legs and ugly white tube socks have nothing to do with it! (All cute socks are dirty now too, so the white sporty ones are all I got).

This brings me to a subject I often worry about. I am unaware of my current weight. I used to weigh myself every morning, just to make sure I don’t creep up any higher, but when we started the renovation, the scale got packed away with everything else we own. So I have gone 5 solid months without numerical validation that I am not getting fat. So, I fear that number has creeped up. I don’t think it’s a bunch, but enough for me to feel kinda chubby.

Though I do not have numeric validation of this fact (I am still trying to muster the courage to get the scale out of the basement) yesterday, I had button validation. And I shit you not, this happened JUST like this.

Nacho: Ugh, I feel fat.

Girl I Work With: Oh, I hate it when I feel like that.

Nacho: I’m afraid I’ve gained weight, but I don’t know because my scale is still in storage.

Girl I Work With: Oh, you’d know…you’d feel it in your clothes.

Nacho: Yeah, I guess your right (As I bend down to pick up some bluerprints)


Nacho: Oh crap.

Girl I work with: What’s wrong?

Nacho: The button just popped off my pants!

Girl I work with: Oh my god, weird!

Nacho: I suppose that’s the sign I was looking for. From your mouth to God’s ears.

Girl I work with: Here, I have a safety pin.

Nacho: Thanks.

So today is the first day of my No More Chinese Food and Pizza Diet. No more Goo either (for those of you who don’t know, Goo is mayo, sour cream, melted cheese, Salad dressing or sort of creamy saucy ranchy type condiment that makes your food moist). Mmmmm… I love goo.


amy. said...

If it makes you feel any better, part of me was hoping to be pregnant this month to explain the tightning of the pants I have experienced over the past few weeks. No such luck. Well, I knew it was either pregnancy or the constant stream of sugar going into my belly...

KL said...

Maybe I'll be lucky and that's why I'm so bloated! Though that doesn't bode well since I can only be a week pregnant. If this is the pace I will gain, then I'll way 250 in 9 months.

amy. said...

lol. I was 199 when I had Henry. I was so glad I never broke the 200lb mark. One time at about 8 months, Kyle looked at me and said "If you were a boxer, you'd be in Mike Tyson's weight class". I almost bit his ear off.