Thursday, June 22, 2006

Well that was a short trip...

The pixels are barely dry on my previous post and here I come with another whiney complaint. Though I'm not sure this one can really be considered whiney (does whiney have an 'e' in it?)'s legitimate. Hm, I don't think that's how you spell that word either, perhaps I should have gone slang and said "legit." But I would like to say that though previous post evidence is to the contrary, I can spell unemployment...see...I'll do it again. UNEMPLOYMENT. There, now give me a job.

But I digress...on to the bitching.

I haven't been to the PO Box in a week. I've been procrastinating, but this morning, I decided I'd better go. As I was preparing to leave, I remembered that I have a GAP gift card that my MIL gave me for my birthday. So even though I've been avoiding it, I figured it's finally time to do THE PANTS. You know, the stretchy kind? With the panel? Because my jeans, though they still fit in the thighs and butt (sorta) are beginning to cinch into my expanding mid-section. I am uncomfortable. And the downtown mall has a Baby Gap, with Maternity Gap in the back. Oh, World of shirts that don't rise over my belly button, here I come!

And there I went.

It went pretty well. A little too well, if you know what I mean.

I don't know if it's the little baby belt/fanny pack pillow thing they have in the dressing room to help you see what you'll look like in 3 months, or the fact that I wear a size 10 in maternity pants, though in regular pants I wear a 12 (that is probably it). But when it's all said and done I have a pair of jeans, 3 pairs of cacky-type pants (for that job I don't have), 2 shirts and 2 tanktops.

I realize that the gift card is not going to cover all this expense, but THEN I remember the AAA Visa gift card I got for xmas! That's $200!! So, I can buy all this crap (that I'll only wear for 4 months) without actually spending ANY money. Brilliant.

So I head to the register. I explain my bizarre methods of payment to the nice girl behind the counter. In total, I have $300...$100 from the Gap gift card and $200 from the Visa (God, now that I'm typing this, I am such a moron). She rings it up - $323. Crap. But the nice girl has a solution!

"If you sign up for a GAP card, you get $15% off."

Perfect! So I sign up for the card. She gets her supervisor to come over to perform the complicated procedure of inducting me into the world of GAP card ownership. Then, she puts a receipt infront of me, showing me where to sign. I sign. Then I hand her my gift cards.

"No, we charged it to your GAP card"

"It's a credit card?"

"Yes, you'll get a bill in a month"

WTF? Did I not just explain to you that I have no job, and I have these great gift cards so I can spend all this money I don't have, without ACTUALLY having to spend any money at all!!!

"Can I use my GAP gift card to pay my GAP credit card?"


Now, we proceed to try some complicated returns and credit things, but the computer is not being cooperative and after looking over my shoulder at the other pregnant, and somewhat cranky women behind me in line, I say fuck it. I'll pay the stupid bill.

So in the end, I should have just paid the extra $23. Instead, I owe the GAP $278. And I don't have a job.

But I still have my cards, which are worth $300. So, in the end, I'm up $22? Yes? Whatever.

On an up note, walking back home I saw a help wanted sign in a store front window. Where? ANN TAYLOR. I'm trying to convince myself that since I'm pregnant, I would not spend my paycheck on awesome clothes I wouldn't normally be able to afford. I would be immune to the seduction of the employee discount. And being a new mommy, an Ann Taylor wardrobe make no sense anyway, right? Or am I just kidding myself.

It would be like J working at a snowboard company...oh yeah, nevermind.


P-Diddy in Sin City said...

"Return" the shit tomorrow and then buy it back with the gift cards. Then, cancel your credit card. (BEWARE: Gap credit card also works at Banana Republic and Old Navy. Sneaky fuckers.)

I just bought a flourescent orange blouse from the Gap, which is butt fugly, only because it was $2.97. I have shopping issues.

nacho said...

I'm sure you look fabo in flourescent orange...and too late, I am wearing my expanding pants as we speak.
They. Are. So. Comfortable.

They should make all pants like this....Seriously.

amy. said...

The upside fo this is that you can resell all of that maternity stuff when you are done with it and make at least a little bit of your $ back.

Xpinionated said...

funny...and for the record it's Khaki and I don't think whiney has an 'e'