Thursday, October 13, 2005

And I'm not as witty here either

Maybe because there is no one to try and impress? I have another blog with a group of friends and have been participating on it like crazy. And it would seem that I would prefer to post here, as here I am completely anonymous and can say whatever I want. Not that I censor myself or anything on the other one, its just that my husband can read it….so , well, you know.

For instance, here I can talk about the baby making. So far, no baby. There is an outside chance that I could be pregnant right now, but somehow I doubt it. I won’t know until Sunday, which is officially 5 days before my “cycle” …though I must admit I took a test this morning. They are so expensive, I don’t know why I do that!

J is getting a little anxious about it. We have friends who just got pregnant, and though we are happy for them, I think J is a little jealous. Yesterday was our wedding anniversary, and at dinner he said “boy, I hope this doesn’t take a long time…that would suck.” I then had to remind him that some crazy percentage of pregnancies end in miscarriage, and even if I turn out to be pregnant this month, I wouldn’t feel comfortable telling anyone until at least 8 weeks….as I polish off my glass of wine.

Yes, I am drinking. Not a lot, mind you, but I just can’t go to a nice restaurant and not order a glass of wine. I know this will have to change once I am pregnant, but the fact that I may be (though I don’t think so) makes me feel guilty. Oh, and I’m still smoking…I KNOW! I have begun the weaning process. What used to be 8 cigarettes a day is now 3. I am hoping to get to zero by next weekend, when my parents visit.

I need to just buckle down and get healthy. No drink, no smoke, vitamins…the whole shabang. It’s just so not me. But I think once I get that positive test result, something will click. At least I hope so. There is part of me that is trying to get all the bad stuff in before I know it has to stop. Strange but true.

Keep your fingers crossed for us.

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