Wednesday, March 22, 2006

The solution to our Turbo Tax dilemma

The House of Nacho Master Assembly is pleased to propose the TUBBS IS A SPONGE BILL, establishing a new ordinance imposing a Mooch Tax on all canine residents. The Assembly hopes that revenue produced will help alleviate the burden of current homeowners who have been solely responsible for taxes levied by both the state and federal governments.

ARTICLE IX. MOOCH TAX

Sec. 70-431. Definitions.

The following words, terms and phrases, when used in this article, shall have the meanings ascribed to them in this section, except where the context clearly indicates a different meaning:

Tubbs means a dog who currently has primary residence at House of Nacho.

Master means any earner of income used in the operations and maintenance of the House, and any of their duly authorized agents.

Sec. 70-432. Levy of tax.

There is hereby imposed and levied a tax on Tubbs for:

a. Every meal served, sold or delivered by a Master to Tubbs. The rate of such tax shall be 4 1/2 percent of the amount paid for the meal.

b. Each instance of pooping, regardless of location. The rate of such tax shall be 10 cents per instance. A penalty of $100 shall be imposed for indoor pooping. This penalty shall be doubled for poop of a loose or less-than-solid nature

c. All occasions where a Master is compelled to get off the couch due to whining, scratching or staring by Tubbs to fill water bowls, allow access to the outdoors, or dislodge a toy from under the coffee table/bed. The rate of such tax shall be $1 per instance. Rate shall double if Master is watching any form of Reality TV or Virginia Tech Football.

d. Each individual bark, even if in quick succession, shall be taxed at the rate of $1 per bark. Rate will be doubled when the source and motivation for such barking cannot be determined.

e. Every discovery of a 'wet spot' on any and all furniture created by the licking of Tubbs feet and /or butt. The rate of such tax shal be $10 per instance. A penalty of $100 shall be imposed if the wet spot is located on the bedsheets in the area a Master sleeps.

Sec. 70-433. Exemptions and Limits

The tax imposed under this article shall not be levied if any of the following criteria are met:
a. Tubbs obtains gainful employment where contributions to the House revenue can me made.
b. Tubbs begins to obey all commands regarding his bodily movements and overall level of spaz.
c. Tubbs manipulates Master with cuteness and love.

3 comments:

Mrs. T said...

I am cracking up Nacho! I would also like to add a pooper-scooper fee of $1 per scoop with a penalty of $10 per scoop when Tab and I are running and I have to run with a plastic baggie of poop because she puposely saves it for our run.

nacho said...

Yes, perhaps I should have been more clear...the poop fee is, in essence a scoop fee...where there's a poop, there's always a scoop - sooner or later.

Or how bout if you bring a bag and then oops! they gotta poop again. . A dog that poops once a day suddenly has to go twice in 15 minutes.

we keep saying poop.

amy. said...

Poop.