Bummer

When the debates started and the Democratic primary race began, I was a little giddy with excitement. I was excited to hear all the new ideas, the plans, the solutions. Looked forward to learning more about these people hoping to take the Presidency. The first debate I watched (on ABC I think?) was ok. It didn't really get to the heart of many issues, but gave me a small sense of the canidates. Basically I ended up understanding the personal taglines for everyone. Hillary was experienced and can start on "Day One", Barak knows America is ready for "change" (which comes with "hope"), and for John Edwards "it's personal." But basically, they all come down on the same side of most issues. It's in the nuances I hoped to really make my decision, but they didn't get into nuances.

I don't blame this as much on the candidates as the people asking the questions. The second debate (on CNN i think) I watched was so much worse. It was after the crying incident with Hillary. And after the MLK/Johnson comment as well. It was all they wanted to talk about. It was like watching TMZ, but instead of Hollywood, it was Washington. I couldn't watch, it was so silly and pointless. What about health care? What about the grip corporations have on our elected representatives? What about the state of public education?

That's when I really stopped paying attention. There were more debates, but I sat on my jaded butt and watched Project Runway instead. What little political updates I managed to see on TV usually revolved around a snide remark (or rather perceived snide remark) made by one about the other, and their reaction, and blah, blah, blah. The media exaggerates every little possible drama to make it gossip and if they're lucky, scandal. Despite my disgust, I had picked my horse, John Edwards. My frustration only grew as his message continually got lost in all the media induced bickering and sensationalism.

Well, John Edwards just "suspended" his campaign and I'm totally bummed. Not sure what "suspended" means...I guess in case some crazy shit happens with Hillary or Obama. Since he still has delegates going to the convention, technically, he could get a nomination?

So now, I guess I'm an Obama fan. But I'll take Hillary over any of the Republicans. I never thought the GOP would even have a chance. But on the horizon I think I see a McCain/Guilianni ticket...gulp. It's really the onlycombo that might get back some of those jaded Republicans for them. And I thought they couldn't win 4 years ago.

momentary lapse of patience

Sam and I had a good day yesterday. And it's made me realize that what we really need to do is just get out of the house more. When we hang out here all day, day after day, I get bored. And he gets board. And neither one of us appreciates the things that we do to combat our boredom. For me, that would be reading or tinkering around on the internet, neither which Sam has more than a 30 second tolerance for. And for Sam, playing lets tip over the coffee table over and over and over and over.

Oh, we do plenty of more interactive things. I read to him, we build with blocks, we even tried coloring (FYI, he is not yet ready for that. Unless they have revised the food pyramid to include Crayons). But sitting in the family room putting on the "I'm so excited" face and voice for two or three hours straight, is completely mentally draining. "That's not MY Dinosaur!" I say with saccharine laced enthusiasm. The same demeanor I fine so annoying about children's TV...at the least the shows that include actual adults. It's fake, or at least becomes fake after the first hour or so. I am not that person. At least not indefinitely. I can be that person genuinely for a while, but really, it makes me lose my marbles (and my good humor) eventually.

So I am now resolved to vacate the abode at least once a day.

Wait, I amend that to only the days that the temperature rises above 20 degrees. I'll play tip over the coffee table while declaring that is not my robot, or puppy or whatever gladly over the prospect of the bundling ritual required to go out with an infant in that sort of weather.

So, it's 22 degrees. I guess that means I better get dressed. When Sam wakes up, we're outta here!

Ok toddlerhood, stop it. Now. I mean it...

So J left this morning for almost a week. It's going to be a rough one. Sure, he's left before, and we've been just fine, but Sam has become a bit of a challenge lately. He is determined to mess with anything I try and keep him from. And he thinks "No" is hilarious. And no matter how many times I physically remove him from whatever it is that I don't want him smashing or dragging or shaking, he goes right back. I try to be stern, you know, with my serious face. Doesn't work. The only thing that works is sitting directly in front of whatever it is, to block his way. Then he crumples into a red faced crying mess. Once we cuddle, or nurse and he's better, he goes right back at it.

Lord help me.

So I turn to Dr. Sears. Basically, what they say is "practice attachment parenting and kid will want to please you." Well, I think what I've been doing can be considered a form of attachment parenting (cosleeping ended pretty early, due to mama constantly being jabbed in the ribs), and my kid seems to think displeasing me is a game. Fun even. I know he's young, so I'm not worried that he's going to be a some delinquent or anything, I am just worried about my sanity.

I am frazzled. And impatient, and I dare say, ANNOYED.

Ok, bad mama, get a grip. See this is why I need this blog. If I posted this on the family blog, Grandma would be flying here tomorrow and I would be bombarded with stories about having 2 toddlers and a husband who was checked out and blah, blah, blah. And everything Sam does is cute and couldn't possibly be annoying and he's precious and special and. OK I already feel guilty and I just imagined my mother lecturing me.

Sam, I love you bud. LOVE YOU. Now, stop dragging furniture across the room. Please. PLEASE. Love you.

Hold on to your sippy....

I come to you not vomiting. Not even queasy. This is a change. No, I'm not pregnant (though i thought I might be.)

It all began Wednesday afternoon when I started feeling a little icky. No fever or anything, just some nausea. I quickly blamed it on the plate of nachos I had for lunch (will I never learn!?). Though they were of the "Flour Tortilla" variety, those things still have corn meal in them, so other corn wary people beware! I can eat them sometimes, but they still cause me some trouble now and then.

ANYWAY, as the day wore on, I felt worse and worse. After putting Sam to bed I laid on the couch, moaning, and seriously wondering if this might be some early onset morning sickness. I mean, if I was pregnant, I was like 2 weeks pregnant. Even though I know there was no measurable pregnancy hormone swimming around in my pee, I took a pregnancy test. Negative. But since I knew it wouldn't work anyway, I still thought I was pregnant. I know.

Well, to make a long story short, Sam threw up later that night, and so did I...a lot. So we were pretty confident we were both playing host to the same little nasty stomach bug that has been ripping through the daycare scene. Our best guess is that the little girl I watch on Tuesday's brought it with her. And the sippy cup no knows master so...Well, J was a dream and took pukey baby while mama barfed. He even stayed home the next day to watch the fully recovered Sam while mama still blanched at the thought of food.

And as any good deed goes unpunished, J quickly began puking himself.

J is finally back to normal. The worst of it only lasted 24 hours, but the queasiness lingered. It was quite the nasty bug.

And in silver lining news, I was sure this would result in losing those last 2 pesky pounds I gained over the holidays. You know, since i didn't ingest anything for 2 days? You would think that right? Well, you're wrong. Argh.

still here

Thanks for the comments guys. I think I'll keep this blog around, though I must admit I have neglected it severely. I can't get over the feeling of "if you're going to do something, do it right." Not sure what that translates to in the blog world, I guess it's just a weird form of performance anxiety. I worry too much about the quality of my posts and hesitant to just blah, blah, blah, like I am now. Anyway, I'm here to stay, for now. Well, not even a couple minutes into a post and Sam is calling for me from his nap. That was a short one. I'm afraid morning naps may be weaning a bit. Then I REALLY won't post often.

Some artsy picks from Monday...

It's almost 60 degrees outside. A week ago it was 3...3 degrees. It so weird. I feel like it's April. I'm waiting for the tulips to pop up. It's hard to believe that something like being able to see our grass again can seem surreal. Unfortunately, the grass is not the only thing that has been revealed by the sudden melt. The snow also released our Halloween pumpkins from frozen animation. Big orange oozy piles of mush. Yuck.

I've been thinking of ending this blog. Or, more accurately, merging it with my "other" blog. I usually cross post anyway. This was my to be my honest blog, my venting blog. Uncensored. Well, who has time to form complete and logical thoughts nowadays? This blog has devolved into what my other blog basically is...Sam Report. Sure I have other things on my mind. I even think about posting some stuff. But by the time I get Sam to sleep, sit down and try to write...well, my brain is not as efficient as it used to be.

So I'm thinking on it. Let me know if you have an opinion either way...you 3 loyal readers.